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  Essay: Oktober 05

Essay to faithfulness of fetishists

The following Essay builds on the thesis, that fetishists are better and more faithful lifepartner. Dared thesis? Read and create your own opinion.

by Rio

There is no doubt, that faithfulness is most important for a healthy relationship. In this essay faithfulness describes the avoidance of sexual contacts outside a 2-person relationship. Excluded are sexual contacts, which were arranged unsecretly (open relationship) as well as masturbation. Controversial is, at which point someone can speak of being untrue: holding hands, kissing or intercourse?

The opinion of the author is, that already any kind of affectionate, physical contact (holding hands) commits betrayal to the partner. Sadly unfaithfulness is the rule in relationships. More than half of all Europeans have been untrue to their partner (of course no one admits). Men and women betray for different reasons. While women many times just look for a strong shoulder, men are mostly fixed to the sexuality. The old drive of nature of theirs to spread their own genes as far as possible, stands in contrast to monogamy. For a lot of men monogamy is a half abstinence.

Even today a lot of men feel, faithfulness is heavy burden. Parts of the ancient sexual drive remains. Women have bound men to them with a trick thousands of years ago: the permanent mating readiness. Men came from the class of mammals. Most mammals do not live in a life of long relationships nor relationships at all. Usually there is a fixed time for mating. During this time male mammals fight with other male mammals. The winner gets to impregnate the female.

The winner passes his genes. Male and female part without an oita of stress or arguements in their relationship. And the game starts again next year , but causes the most females to become single mothers. Very well known is the fact, that single moms have a tough life. That has not changed in ten thousand years. The human mothers were looking for a solution, to integrate the men in feeding and upbringing the children. They began using the sexual drive of the men. They offered them sex the whole year.

Through this men began bringing the killed mammoths back to the cave. They knew what they would get back in return.: Sex. Sex became more than reproduction. It became part of social life between men and women. The „permanent mating readiness“ kept men in the caves and for this our society was founded. As you can see, sex is far more than just reproduction since ten thousands of years. Sex is until today one of the most important social pillars. Sex and other social influences interact

Sexual life is not excluded from everyday life, but is a very part of it. Other influences like society norms for example, interact with our sexuality just like all other parts of our life. In the same way our sexuality interacts with the other direction to society, social and everyday life. One example: Your sexlife with your wife doesn‘t satisfy you at all. You feel completely frustrated. You have the feeling, that something is missing in your sexlife. You enter your social environment with a bad mood and temper.

After a while your colleagues treat you the same way, as you treat them. You get mobbed out of the company. Of course this is a worst case scenario, but your sexuality doesn‘t stay at home when you go to work. Maybe your self-confidence suffers under your bad sexlife and you turn to a donkey, who does the work of other people, because you can‘t say no anymore. Perhaps you don‘t have a sexlife at all and can‘t think about anything else, which causes you to lose your career out of sight.

There are numerous possibilities in which way your sexual drive can influence you and your environment. It is impossible to just turn off a sexual drive. It is an integral part of ourselves. The question is not: "How can we keep the influence as low as possible?", but " How do we handle it?", or even better "How can we use sex to our benefit?" We have seen, that sex is more than reproduction. It is a part of social life. We have the gift to integrate things and circumstances in sex

That is the door where fetishism enters sexuality. The connection of things and circumstances with sexuality. Nowadays fetishism is considered when the influence of circumstances and things is higher than in the norm. For fetishists the reproduction motive is less important than for non-fetishists. The unsexual part in the sexual act plays a much bigger role. The social and psychological part gains more weight.

Little fetishes like lingerie or light bondage are normally not considered fetishes, because they are widely spread and don‘t affect the sexual act heavily. If the fetish becomes more obvious then it is different. This is the case for example with latex, leather and boots. Similar to lingerie the body becomes aesthetisized. Men and women get attracted by the looks from the other side. Different clothing-fetishes emphasize different charms.

Everybody follows his own sense for aesthetic. A boot for example emphasizes the leg as a sexual object. Very often the boot goes with female clothing. Dresses, skirts and long gloves. The view of a booted woman does not necessarily connect with sexual arousal, but can just be a sheer enjoyment for the eye of the viewer. In fact the fetishist transmits his sense for aesthetic into his sexuality. Even after deep sexual satisfaction the booted woman is still beautiful for the boot fetishist. In most cases this transmission is done unknowingly, but it is necessary to bring that transmission into a conscious state of mind.

If someone would try to force himself not finding booted women attractive, it would be the same, as he would tell himself a nice picture is ugly. It is not the question of getting rid of the image, but a question of where to put it. It is a question of how using your own fortune. It could be named „Better Living with Fetish“. The aesthetic aspect is most important for most fetishists, but for others clothing plays a different role. Clothing can underline a special sexual action. That means, that for example in a „role play“ the characters are identified by their clothing.

Since sexual actions are mostly in closed rooms and not on a stage, you can‘t actually talk about „costumes“ nor „role play“. Whithin our own four walls, we are still the same person as outside. As well you could regard your behaviour in the office as a „role play“, because you behave different there than at home. There is no real me. There is no: that's my real personality. But: that's me too. Every person has at least a hundred facets.

We just reveal different facets in different environment. It is easily explained with the example of Sado-Maso sex. In the case where the man is submissive and his wife/girlfriend dominates, the mistress wears usually clothing which is justified in his fantacies. On one side the clothing has the function to separate clearly the "mistress" from the "slave". The man has the desire to surrender into somebody else‘s power while enjoying the protection from that very person.

Causing pain can emphasize the feeling of being under someone‘s mercy. Insults and beatings are just a demonstration of power of the mistress. The man wants to admire his mistress. If the man is a bootfetishist, it is very likely that the mistress is going to wear boots. Just by the beauty of the mistress the love-slave can be so impressed, that he bows to her. The woman is additionally raised through her clothing. She gets lifted on a level where she is unreachable for the man.

The man gets the feeling, that he is confronting someone way too powerful for him. The attention of such a high personality becomes very precious. As you can see clearly, reproduction is hardly the topic of this sexual act. Sexual actions which include those serious games are enjoyed for different reasons. They bring an additional benefit for the everyday world. Another word in the German language (English too) for „pleased“ or „satisfied“ is „balanced“

It means that something is equalised or evened. People who had sex like described above, usually feel very balanced afterwards. That signifies that something was unbalanced before. Before the sex one side was too heavy, which was compensated by the sex. The imbalance can have various causes. One can be, that the man can leave everything behind him. He doesn‘t have to think for a while and can relax. Maybe the woman enjoys the feeling of power over a person, because as history tells us usually she has had a lower social position

Tht picture will never be ugly.

There are numerous possibilities, but finely those things are not important. Important is, that both are happy and satisfied. It is not necessary to ask for the causes of fortune any more. What does that tell us about the qualities of faithfulness of the fetishist? We have seen, that his sexual drive is less controlled by the wish of reproduction, but he uses it to balance stress and to enjoy the a certain sense of aesthetic. Passing the genes is just a side-effect. It can be concluded, that the quality of the sex is more important for the fetishist, than the quantity.

Furthermore it shouldn‘t be forgotten, that fetish is a very intimate topic, because the sex brings up more intimate things to the surface. It is essential to have a solid basis of trust with the partner. To create this basis often months or even years have to pass. A functioning relationship is absolutely necessary for the fetishist to have a good sexlife. The basis for his fortune is love. Fetish is a topic someone usually just talks about with carefully chosen people.

Usually the relationship comes before the „coming out“. Another aspect is the position of the woman from the view of a fetishist. For good reason the term fetish was transmitted from the religion. In theology „fetish“ signifies an object that is religiously praised. In a similar way the fetishist praises his girl., during sexual action. The over raising of the counterpart, causes an authorisation and through this a strong feeling of faith towards the person.

Turning away from that person would signify a turning away from faith towards this person. An out-of-rationship affair would ruin his sexlife immediately. As a conclusion I would say, that fetishist men who live out their sexual desires, are generally more faithful than non-fetishists. The spiritual aspect is more important than the physical. His relationship is the basis of his fortune.

He wants to live out sex with all facets that are available and use it for himself. He abandons sex altogether rather than having a bad one. And to be honest: How good are the chances, that a man meets a girl in club, who shares his fetish, is single, does know from the beginning what he likes, can trusts completely right away. You rather win a lottery twice in a row.

You hear often, that a fetish is not natural. That’s right. The fetish has nothing to do with nature, but belongs to culture. Fetish is a part of human culture, that we have to understand and use better. There is a nice phrase: “We are not men but have to become men”. Dear ladies and gentlemen fetishists, if you like to be arrogant, you can consider yourselves more developed, better and more faithful men.